Death

So, this past week Grandma has been watching our aunt's dog next door. Lori is very old and arthritic, and her body is basically riddled with cancerous lumps. She's survived a very long time since she was diagnosed. We've been letting her inside a lot since it has been so very hot around here. Still, her breathing last night and this morning was very labored, and she refused to eat or get up. So we took her to the vet, and found that the lymphoma has spread to her lungs, which are just totally full of a clouded, speckled mass on the X=ray. Poor dog. Anyway, they got back today, and she's on prednisone which hopefully will help her breathe. But soon, and sooner if the medicine doesn't work, she'll be in too much pain and they'll put her down.
So I got to wondering about all this, and how it would effect my cousin. She's been the family pet since before he was born, and in recent years he's gotten really into animals~ even talking about becoming a vegetarian. And growing his hair long. But his mom is skeptical about that one. I was thinking about what I would tell him if I were his parent. Well, I really didn't have to think, I would say something like "Well, Lori is going to die. Everything, everyone dies." and then I'd have to make a judgement call about adding "even we'll die, you and I" although I probably would at some point. That's just how it works, and maybe it's not worth even considering whether it's fair or unfair or not. Or if there is a reason or afterlife.
Anyway, in an uncharachtaristic turn of positive thinking, I first started to imagine and 'talk' to him about how eventually even the earth will be destroyed, the sun, quite possibly the universe as we know it (who knows, right?) But that all begs the question, Why the heck is there anything here in the first place? I mean it seems much more probable that there woudl be absolutely nothing in existence... no space no nothing. Why the hell is there anything at all? So then I thought, that it was pretty cool. Athiest' sense of wonder, I suppose. Sometimes things just click, even if they're not original or even new to you, they just seem that way. It was nice.
Also burned some nice incense tonight on the back porch. The squishy stick kind, and some sortof-nag-champa. And a delicious dinner of fresh tomatoes, fancy cheeses, french batard and my homemade fried okra with green chili powder seasoning.
More dreams of the same feel as last two nights, although I got woken up abruptly this morning to care for the dog & go to the vet, so I don't remember them.
I've also been appreciating increased contact with friends, which seems to have picked up for no particular reason, which is really kindof nice.
I'm hoping the peaches will be ripe to make pavlova tomorrow, and that things begin settling around here. I think they've alredy started.