Saturday, December 22, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
wedding
so regarding mom's impending marriage, which appears to be the hot topic, I will elaborate.
She's getting married this summer, it was not really a surprise to me.
They guy is OK, but weird... what do you expect, right? He was chosen by a direct member of my bloodline.
I am OK with this, but I don't pretend to get why she likes him so much. He would bug the shit out of me if I lived with him. I don't think he's going to beat her up or anything, and she's happy, so I'm for it. If I sound somewhat removed from the whole thing, it's because I am... I've decided she gets to do what she wants (duh) and I will support her. And I have already decided not to say anything if they get divorced. So, I'm being good here. Also, I'm just not really worried about Mom, because either way I know she'll be fine. Basically that is why I am apathetic.
Now, in terms of where I will live, that is a question. Mom will probably sell the house and I'll have to move out, whether that's to my grandma's or to an apartment. The kitties I think will probably stay with me, although mom wants Stella to go with her to stay with Dan, which sounds like a bad idea to me considering his cat is super possessive of him and has front claws. Mom says he would get her declawed. And his cat does not have teeth (Abyssinian, it's a purebred thing.) I say the cat is still too old to get declawed and would terrorize Stella anyway, who is relatively fat and sedentary compared to his neurotic, wired, jumpy climber. And it would split our kitties up.
So, as you can see, really I'm worried about the cats. Projection? possibly.
In other news, I am anxious about my job performance. I can tell this because 1) I am anxious about my job performance, and 2)I am doing those neurotic things I do when I get neurotic.
This includes clingyness (hugging mom until she gets annoyed[which usually happens whenever I ask for a hug anyway... root of intimacy issues, anyone?], eyeing available men and determining the rate at which I would suck their autonomy and soul away in a relationship, spacing out about the meaning of existence and suffering for hours while watching so-bad-it-should-be-daytime television. ps thank you writer's strike.) Other symptoms include desparate and frenzied cleaning, yoga videos, obsessive binge-reading and binge-computer game playing/web surfing, dry mouth, sweating, and fatigue. If you develop muscle weakness or twitching, it could be a sign of a serious but rare side effect. See your doctor immediately.
Anyway, I decided the only two ways to reduce my performance anxiety was to 1)stop sucking or 2)stop worrying. I am not sure that I am actually sucking so I'm going with 2, but it's slow going. Anyway, this bitch session seems to have helped.
OK, thanks guys.
love yas,
Mer
She's getting married this summer, it was not really a surprise to me.
They guy is OK, but weird... what do you expect, right? He was chosen by a direct member of my bloodline.
I am OK with this, but I don't pretend to get why she likes him so much. He would bug the shit out of me if I lived with him. I don't think he's going to beat her up or anything, and she's happy, so I'm for it. If I sound somewhat removed from the whole thing, it's because I am... I've decided she gets to do what she wants (duh) and I will support her. And I have already decided not to say anything if they get divorced. So, I'm being good here. Also, I'm just not really worried about Mom, because either way I know she'll be fine. Basically that is why I am apathetic.
Now, in terms of where I will live, that is a question. Mom will probably sell the house and I'll have to move out, whether that's to my grandma's or to an apartment. The kitties I think will probably stay with me, although mom wants Stella to go with her to stay with Dan, which sounds like a bad idea to me considering his cat is super possessive of him and has front claws. Mom says he would get her declawed. And his cat does not have teeth (Abyssinian, it's a purebred thing.) I say the cat is still too old to get declawed and would terrorize Stella anyway, who is relatively fat and sedentary compared to his neurotic, wired, jumpy climber. And it would split our kitties up.
So, as you can see, really I'm worried about the cats. Projection? possibly.
In other news, I am anxious about my job performance. I can tell this because 1) I am anxious about my job performance, and 2)I am doing those neurotic things I do when I get neurotic.
This includes clingyness (hugging mom until she gets annoyed[which usually happens whenever I ask for a hug anyway... root of intimacy issues, anyone?], eyeing available men and determining the rate at which I would suck their autonomy and soul away in a relationship, spacing out about the meaning of existence and suffering for hours while watching so-bad-it-should-be-daytime television. ps thank you writer's strike.) Other symptoms include desparate and frenzied cleaning, yoga videos, obsessive binge-reading and binge-computer game playing/web surfing, dry mouth, sweating, and fatigue. If you develop muscle weakness or twitching, it could be a sign of a serious but rare side effect. See your doctor immediately.
Anyway, I decided the only two ways to reduce my performance anxiety was to 1)stop sucking or 2)stop worrying. I am not sure that I am actually sucking so I'm going with 2, but it's slow going. Anyway, this bitch session seems to have helped.
OK, thanks guys.
love yas,
Mer
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Quick
so here goes:
Mom is engaged (officially, with a ring)
Thanksgiving did not dissapoint, although the most eventful event was actually Mom's BF getting all passive-aggressive in my 'grill' as it were
Work, I'm surviving, but experiencing a bout of insecurity with my performance
That's what he said
I am also missing friends (tear, pity pity.)
Also doing a good job of maintaining relatively positive internal language, despite this list.
Glad to hear Claire is back in town.
Glad Christmas is coming (that means it will be over sooner, haha) but really I am actually kindof looking forward to it, and more so this year b/c I'm not taking time off so that means everyone can't try to drag me around to do this and that.
Miss you all~ College & High school buddies~
hugs from Mer.
Mom is engaged (officially, with a ring)
Thanksgiving did not dissapoint, although the most eventful event was actually Mom's BF getting all passive-aggressive in my 'grill' as it were
Work, I'm surviving, but experiencing a bout of insecurity with my performance
That's what he said
I am also missing friends (tear, pity pity.)
Also doing a good job of maintaining relatively positive internal language, despite this list.
Glad to hear Claire is back in town.
Glad Christmas is coming (that means it will be over sooner, haha) but really I am actually kindof looking forward to it, and more so this year b/c I'm not taking time off so that means everyone can't try to drag me around to do this and that.
Miss you all~ College & High school buddies~
hugs from Mer.
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